it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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