I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
