I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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