I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
