I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
