I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
soo... how was my night?
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