I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
