My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
