I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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