pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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