Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
