The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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