He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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