My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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