Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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