He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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