i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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