what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
