I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
