Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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