He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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