do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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