There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The best revenge is premature balding
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
