the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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