I want you more than these girls want KFC
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
