I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
