He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
