im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
