I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I deserve this hangover.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
