Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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