grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
