She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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