i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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