haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
3 2 1 whiskey
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
