4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
