did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
third nipple confirmed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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