I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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