Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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