now i know why i became what i already was.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
