Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
