i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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