he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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