Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
