so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
