Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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