If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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