Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
