is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
