Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
