I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
