Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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