The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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