Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
