Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
