Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
