Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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