Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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