I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
