apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
