If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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