piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
