Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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