This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
someone owes me an orgasm
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
