woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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