i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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