I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's always time for handjobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
