How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize