guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
