K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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