Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
